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Next Gen Super Smash Bros. To Include “Creepy Uncle Sameer”

Next Gen Super Smash Bros. To Include “Creepy Uncle Sameer”

By Ahmed Rahil Kyoto, Japan (1:00 P.M. GMT)— Developers and gamers from around the globe gathered at Nintendo headquarters today for the announcement of the next installment of the popular…

Least Competent Arab Child Appointed Minister of Sandcastle Construction

Least Competent Arab Child Appointed Minister of Sandcastle Construction

Al-Qa’im, Iraq (17:32 GMT)— Sources confirmed this morning that local bad kid and well-known bully Ahmed Gabir has been appointed to lead in the building of a Sandcastle at the…

Caliphate Established In Quaint Midwest Home

Caliphate Established In Quaint Midwest Home

Ord, Nebraska (16:15 GMT)— Local residents are concerned tonight after the house on Mill Lane by the oak trees has come under caliphate rule.  Sources say the new Caliph, Yusuf,…

Son Comes Out To Father As Non-Polygamist

Son Comes Out To Father As Non-Polygamist

Miliana, Algeria (12:15 GMT)— A local man is facing possible expulsion from his family home after revealing to his father that he has been a monogomist for the past 15 years…

Local Shaykh Bans Matrimonial Site After Getting Zero Meeting Requests

Local Shaykh Bans Matrimonial Site After Getting Zero Meeting Requests

Sanaa, Yemen (13:25 GMT)— The popular matrimonial site ZawajNow.com has been banned indefinitely by a local shaykh, Muhammad Safarah. Safarah cited “technical problems”, “unreliable service”, and “significant bugs” as the…

Case Against Elusive Goat-snatching Jinn Proceeds to Trial

Case Against Elusive Goat-snatching Jinn Proceeds to Trial

<strong>Aswan, Egypt (1:00 GMT)—</strong> A local tribal judge without any semblance of jurisdictional authority ruled today that the case against a well-known local Jinn, Falafel IV, will proceed to trial in lieu of a…

Lionness Expelled From Saudi Zoo For “Immoral Postures & Conduct”

Lionness Expelled From Saudi Zoo For “Immoral Postures & Conduct”

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (9:00 GMT)— Authorities at the Riyadh International Zoology Center, a research facility and public Zoo, expelled a  lioness  from the premises on Friday. The  lioness, charged with “inciting heated passion of…

Man Comforted By Sound Of Older Arab Woman’s Irrational Banter

Man Comforted By Sound Of Older Arab Woman’s Irrational Banter

Atlanta, Georgia (8:00 P.M. EST)— Multiple sources reported this afternoon that a man, allegedly raised in an Arab household, was visibly comforted by the sound of an unrelated elderly Arab women…