Prosecutor Assures Public That Adnan Syed Definitely Muslim And Possibly Guilty

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Baltimore, MD (7:30 P.M. EST)–Following the conclusion of the popular new Podcast, Serial, attorneys from the Maryland Attorney’s Office assured the public that Adnan Syed was 100% positively Muslim, and possibly also guilty.

“We understand that Ms. Koenig’s journalistic accounts of the case has drawn much attention to Mr. Syed,” said Maryland State Attorney Ryan Delbond. “Rest assured that overwhelming evidence confirms that Adnan Syed is in fact Muslim and maybe also guilty.”

Critics of Delbond’s office have cited unorthodox methods in Adnan’s case, such as selecting an attorney for Jay, Adnan’s friend and prime alternate suspect. But Delbond was quick to quiet the speculation surrounding his office’s treatment of the case:

“After examining all the evidence available to us, we can confidently conclude that Jay is not Muslim like Adnan,” said Delbond. “And there is even a possibility that Jay lied, but we’re definitely sure that Jay is not Muslim.”

Sarah Koenig has promised to get to the bottom of this on next season’s Serial.

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