ISIS Finally Reaches Goal of 100% Male Membership
The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) is celebrating a major milestone today, as it has finally reached its goal of 100% male membership. The terrorist organization announced the achievement in a statement released today, saying that it is “proud to be the first and only organization…
Halal McNuggets Will Allow Muslims To Also Enjoy Food Poisoning
McDonald’s is set to release a new line of halal-certified McNuggets, allowing Muslims to also enjoy the joys of food poisoning. The new McNuggets will be made with chicken that has been slaughtered in accordance with Islamic law, and will be free of any pork products. “We are…
Mystery Fart “Planted by My Opponents,” Claims Incumbent Khateeb
Birmingham, UK—Calls for the resignation of Shaykh Saleh Abu-Fasya have grown amidst the latest accusation that he continues to fart during khutbahs. Abu-Fasya has adamantly denied the allegations, calling them “politically motivated fabrications by a raucous minority.” Abu-Fasya appears to be referring to the “Hizb-ul-Parking Garage” faction…
Disheveled Uncle Prepared to Refute Every Line of Khutbah
By Yahya Ridwan (Madison, WI 12 PM MST)–Sources at the Islamic Center of Madison (“ICM”) are reporting…
Imam Calls for Mosque Shutdown Until Gender Separation Wall Built
By Yahya Ridwan (Newark, NJ–9:00 PM EST)–Today, Imam Abdel-Latif Yusri of New Jersey’s Aisha Mosque announced that…
Saudi Aristocrat Escapes Dire Ritz Carlton Conditions, Cites Human Rights Violations
By: Ryadh Madroos, Saudi Arabia Correspondent Mohammad bin Salman, Saudi’s Crown Prince was dealt a major blowback today…
Uproar Over Starbucks’ Green “Allahu Akbar” Holiday Cups
By Yahya Ridwan Seattle, WA (9:00 p.m. PST)–Thousands of Starbucks patrons across the nation have grown increasingly outraged over…
17-year-old Nada Disappointed to Learn Her Parent’s House Not a Hotel
By: Anwar Nassar . On Saturday, after waking up at 11:30 a.m., getting showered and leaving the house…
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