Mystery Fart “Planted by My Opponents,” Claims Incumbent Khateeb
Birmingham, UK—Calls for the resignation of Shaykh Saleh Abu-Fasya have grown amidst the latest accusation that he continues to fart during khutbahs. Abu-Fasya has adamantly denied the allegations, calling them “politically motivated fabrications by a raucous minority.” Abu-Fasya appears to be referring to the “Hizb-ul-Parking Garage” faction…
Imam Calls for Mosque Shutdown Until Gender Separation Wall Built
By Yahya Ridwan (Newark, NJ–9:00 PM EST)–Today, Imam Abdel-Latif Yusri of New Jersey’s Aisha Mosque announced that he will shutdown the mosque until he receives enough donations to build a five hundred foot gender separation wall. In a post-Maghrib speech, Yusri declared to the 44 congregants, of…
US Fighter Jets Drop 200 Cans of Pepsi Over West Mosul
By Yahya Ridwan (Washington D.C. 5 P.M. EST)–The United States Air Force escalated its campaign against ISIS early Monday morning by dropping 200 Pepsi Cans over ISIS-occupied Western Mosul. The attack on ISIS signifies the first of what the Trump administration has indicated would be many similar “deterrent…
Donald Trump: “No Prayer Spaces in Muslim Internment Camps If I’m President.”
New York, NY (9:00 p.m. EST)–Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump called a press conference on Monday to announce his…
Muslims Finally Condemn Ebola, Expert Not Fooled
By Yahya Ridwan Sparked by a reddit debate that ignited yesterday, the official spokesperson of Islam and its 1.5…
Maryam Doesn’t Have a Little Lamb Anymore
By Leila Sabry Auburn, Australia (1:00 P.M. AEST)– On Saturday morning, 8 year-old Maryam Fahza reported her lamb missing…
Emma Watson’s Dowry Plummets After U.N. Speech, Says Local Sexist
By Layla Sabry Citing Emma Watson’s rousing feminist speech at the U.N. speech last Saturday, local sexist and…
ISIS Calls On Supporters To Destroy The AFC West
By Yahya Ridwan New York, NY (3:10 P.M. GMT)–Speaking from the back of his jeep, ISIS spokesman and…
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