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Uproar Over Starbucks’ Green “Allahu Akbar” Holiday Cups

Uproar Over Starbucks’ Green “Allahu Akbar” Holiday Cups

By Yahya Ridwan Seattle, WA (9:00 p.m. PST)–Thousands of Starbucks patrons across the nation have grown increasingly outraged over Starbucks’ departure from traditional Christmas symbolism this holiday season. Adding fuel to the inferno, Starbucks announced its latest “Allahu Akbar” Christmas cup design this morning. “Here at Starbucks, we strive…

Donald Trump: “No Prayer Spaces in Muslim Internment Camps If I’m President.”

Donald Trump: “No Prayer Spaces in Muslim Internment Camps If I’m President.”

New York, NY (9:00 p.m. EST)–Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump called a press conference on Monday to announce his plans for banning all prayer spaces in the Muslim Internment Camps he plans to install if he is elected President of the United States. “Donald J. Trump is calling for…

White Guy Honored To Have Earned Nobel Peace Prize For Malala Yousafzai

White Guy Honored To Have Earned Nobel Peace Prize For Malala Yousafzai

By Yahya Ridwan Branson, MO (7:00 A.M. CST)–Speaking from a local cafe at an impromptu press conference late this afternoon, local white guy James Sullivan beamed with joy as he accepted thanks for having rescued Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzi from “the throes of inadequacy,” clearing the…

Muslims Finally Condemn Ebola, Expert Not Fooled

Muslims Finally Condemn Ebola, Expert Not Fooled

By Yahya Ridwan Sparked by a reddit debate that ignited yesterday, the official spokesperson of Islam and its 1.5…

Maryam Doesn’t Have a Little Lamb Anymore

Maryam Doesn’t Have a Little Lamb Anymore

By Leila Sabry Auburn, Australia (1:00 P.M. AEST)– On Saturday morning, 8 year-old Maryam Fahza reported her lamb missing…

Emma Watson’s Dowry Plummets After U.N. Speech, Says Local Sexist

Emma Watson’s Dowry Plummets After U.N. Speech, Says Local Sexist

By Layla Sabry Citing Emma Watson’s rousing feminist speech at the U.N. speech last Saturday, local sexist and…

ISIS Calls On Supporters To Destroy The AFC West

ISIS Calls On Supporters To Destroy The AFC West

By Yahya Ridwan New York, NY (3:10 P.M. GMT)–Speaking from the back of his jeep, ISIS spokesman and…

IDF: Hamas Now Hiding Inside Innocent Children

IDF: Hamas Now Hiding Inside Innocent Children

By Yahya Ridwan Tel Aviv, Israel (3:30 P.M. GMT)–IDF spokesperson Mark Regev confirmed this morning at a press…

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