Sparked by a reddit debate that ignited yesterday, the official spokesperson of Islam and its 1.5 billion adherents throughout the world delivered remarks from an open letter condemning Ebola.

“Dear Non-Muslims,

The current Ebola outbreak is a tragedy. We mourn with the non-Muslims of the world. Although we share some of the same DNA base pairs as Ebola, it does not represent our belief system as multi-base-pair DNA organisms.

We condemn the infection of host cells and the release of misinterpreted genetic instruction. It is a strict misrepresentation of who we are as people and the way that we are genetically programmed.

Mahmoud Bin Lamba

Official Spokesman of Islam”

This comes as a response to a sophisticated new interactive poll suggesting that a majority of Muslims are in favor of infectious diseases such as the Ebola virus.

Sam Harris, organism terrorism expert, explained on “Real Time with Bill Maher”:

“Imagine three concentric circles: the inner most circle contains your Ebola virus and Human Immunodeficiency virus. The circle around that is your Muslimicists, Muslims who want to infect and use democracy against itself. These two circles alone constitute about 30% of Muslims. The outer most circle represents the fringe non-infecting Muslims. We have to be able to criticize bad genetic material, and Islam is the mother lode of bad genetic material.“ 

Harris seemed unconvinced by appeals to Ebola to cease its un-Islamic behavior from Muslim scholars across the word in their Open Letter to Ebola.

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