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Company Generously Treats Employees to Free Lunches for Entire Holy Month

Company Generously Treats Employees to Free Lunches for Entire Holy Month

By Yahya Ridwan (San Jose, CA–8:30 AM PST)–Citing a renewed effort to unite their workforce, well-established semiconductor BayLine, Inc. has announced an entire month of free, professionally-catered lunch for the entire office. The innovative San Francisco based firm announced its “Lunch4Longevity” program at a press conference in May. “BayLine seeks…

US Fighter Jets Drop 200 Cans of Pepsi Over West Mosul

US Fighter Jets Drop 200 Cans of Pepsi Over West Mosul

By Yahya Ridwan (Washington D.C. 5 P.M. EST)–The United States Air Force escalated its campaign against ISIS early Monday morning by dropping 200 Pepsi Cans over ISIS-occupied Western Mosul. The attack on ISIS signifies the first of what the Trump administration has indicated would be many similar “deterrent…

Trump “Practicing Alphabets” Between Executive Order, Say Senior Staff

Trump “Practicing Alphabets” Between Executive Order, Say Senior Staff

Washington D.C. (10:00 A.M. EST)—Addressing the media this morning, White House Spokesperson Sean Spicer confirmed reports that President Trump has recommitted himself to learning the English alphabet between signing executive orders. “The President has worked his way up to ‘R’ and continues to learn new, interesting letters each day…

President Trump Promises Muslim Ban Will Bring “Many, many more jobs to ISIS”

President Trump Promises Muslim Ban Will Bring “Many, many more jobs to ISIS”

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump addressed the media over his controversial Muslim ban, ensuring that it has been…

Ahmed Will Be “Out Late Studying With All Male Classmates” on Dec. 31, Says His Proud Mother

Ahmed Will Be “Out Late Studying With All Male Classmates” on Dec. 31, Says His Proud Mother

According to Asma Manzoub, her son, Ahmed Manzoub, will be “really good alhamdulilah and study for his multi-variable…

Trump Begins Acceptance Speech With Call To Prayer

Trump Begins Acceptance Speech With Call To Prayer

By Yahya Ridwan New York, NY (2:45 A.M.)–Donald J. Trump was welcomed by a rousing crowd at his…

Uproar Over Starbucks’ Green “Allahu Akbar” Holiday Cups

Uproar Over Starbucks’ Green “Allahu Akbar” Holiday Cups

By Yahya Ridwan Seattle, WA (9:00 p.m. PST)–Thousands of Starbucks patrons across the nation have grown increasingly outraged over…

In a Show of Nationalism, Turkey Bans Chicken

In a Show of Nationalism, Turkey Bans Chicken

By: Ahmed Rahil Tafilah Ankara, Turkey (10:00AM PST) - Today, Turkish Prime Minister Recep Erdogan held his annual Temperature of Turkey. Erdogan pleased…

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