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Trump “Practicing Alphabets” Between Executive Order, Say Senior Staff

Trump “Practicing Alphabets” Between Executive Order, Say Senior Staff

Washington D.C. (10:00 A.M. EST)—Addressing the media this morning, White House Spokesperson Sean Spicer confirmed reports that President Trump has recommitted himself to learning the English alphabet between signing executive orders. “The President has worked his way up to ‘R’ and continues to learn new, interesting letters each day…

President Trump Promises Muslim Ban Will Bring “Many, many more jobs to ISIS”

President Trump Promises Muslim Ban Will Bring “Many, many more jobs to ISIS”

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump addressed the media over his controversial Muslim ban, ensuring that it has been extremely successful and received worldwide praise from many different terrorist organizations. “Late last night ISIS gave me a call and said ‘You’re doing the greatest job,’” President Trump said. “They…

Ahmed Will Be “Out Late Studying With All Male Classmates” on Dec. 31, Says His Proud Mother

Ahmed Will Be “Out Late Studying With All Male Classmates” on Dec. 31, Says His Proud Mother

According to Asma Manzoub, her son, Ahmed Manzoub, will be “really good alhamdulilah and study for his multi-variable calculus exam with only his male classmates at the library from 7pm until 4 am on December 31st.” When asked if her son, a senior in high school, usually studies…

Trump Begins Acceptance Speech With Call To Prayer

Trump Begins Acceptance Speech With Call To Prayer

By Yahya Ridwan New York, NY (2:45 A.M.)–Donald J. Trump was welcomed by a rousing crowd at his…

Uproar Over Starbucks’ Green “Allahu Akbar” Holiday Cups

Uproar Over Starbucks’ Green “Allahu Akbar” Holiday Cups

By Yahya Ridwan Seattle, WA (9:00 p.m. PST)–Thousands of Starbucks patrons across the nation have grown increasingly outraged over…

In a Show of Nationalism, Turkey Bans Chicken

In a Show of Nationalism, Turkey Bans Chicken

By: Ahmed Rahil Tafilah Ankara, Turkey (10:00AM PST) - Today, Turkish Prime Minister Recep Erdogan held his annual Temperature of Turkey. Erdogan pleased…

Saudi Woman Accidentally Drives Car Straight into Hell

Saudi Woman Accidentally Drives Car Straight into Hell

RIYADH – Local Saudi Arabian woman, Hussa ibn Yahya, has accidentally crashed her husband’s Range Rover straight into…

Local Muslim Couple Question if Sex Was Worth Getting Married at 20

Local Muslim Couple Question if Sex Was Worth Getting Married at 20

by Yahya Ridwan Noting that Hassan and Fatimah are three weeks into their marriage and seem unhappy, sources…

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