Home » 2014 » April

7 Lame-Ass Muslims Who Did Absolutely Nothing in 2014

7 Lame-Ass Muslims Who Did Absolutely Nothing in 2014

By  Yahya Ridwan As 2014 comes to a close, we take a look back at and commemorate the achievements of some of our most valued community members: 7. Hakeem “I’ll…

Mosque League Basketball Team Clearly Converted Tyrone For Upcoming Tournament

Mosque League Basketball Team Clearly Converted Tyrone For Upcoming Tournament

By Ashraf Qasim Kansas City, Missouri (6:00 P.M. CST)– Masjid Al-Ameen’s intramural basketball team, The Tawheeds, is outraged this evening after what they’re calling  ”a clearly self-serving conversion of brother…

Cries For Reassignment Erupt After Sorting Hat Places Muslims In Undesirable Madhabs

Cries For Reassignment Erupt After Sorting Hat Places Muslims In Undesirable Madhabs

By Samir Talha Chicago, IL (12:00 P.M. CST)– Millions of would-be Shafis, Hanafis, Hanbalis, and Malikis lined up one by one, taking turns as the Sorting Hat was laid on…

Pakistani Baby Implicated In Attempted Murder Pleads Guilty To “Bottle Laundering” Charge

Pakistani Baby Implicated In Attempted Murder Pleads Guilty To “Bottle Laundering” Charge

By Tawakul Sayed Lahore, Pakistan (3:00 P.M. GMT)– Police Chief of Lahore, Ahmed Shafique, announced at a press conference this afternoon that baby Musa Khan will plead down to a…

Cold Caused By Going Out With Friends Last Night, Says Local Muslim Mother

Cold Caused By Going Out With Friends Last Night, Says Local Muslim Mother

 By Yahya Ridwan Seattle, WA (9:00 P.M. PST)– Sawsan Majeed, mother of 21-year-old Ahmed Majeed, confirmed this morning that Ahmed’s cold from last night was a direct result of him…

2014′s Top-5 Muslim Bachelors At Your Local Mosque

2014′s Top-5 Muslim Bachelors At Your Local Mosque

By Yahya Ridwan Cupertino, CA (8:00 PM PST): It’s that time of year again everyone! After literally thousands of submissions, we’ve compiled the best of the best brothers-looking-for-their-baby’s-mothers around. Without…