<strong>Aswan, Egypt (1:00 GMT)—</strong> A local tribal judge without any semblance of jurisdictional authority ruled today that the case against a well-known local Jinn, Falafel IV, will proceed to trial in lieu of a settlement.<!– more –>
Abu Zabzab, a local goat herder and full-time social critic, first brought the actions of Falafel to the attention of the loosely disorganized, highly inept, and largely disrespected tribal council last Summer.
“I knew it was Falafel because he is the only Jinn that smells like a wolf’s urine.”, remarked Abu Zabzab, when asked about the basis for the suit. “I’ve heard him at night, impersonating a pack of wolves. He’s clever, I have to give him that.”, Abu Zabzab added.
“We don’t take Jinn-on-Goat violence lightly.”, commented local hasheesh smoker and presiding judge Samdel Fardiss. “If this Jinn is captured he will be brought to justice, unlike all the other ones that tend to get away or resolve their disputes with the locals without interference of the courts.”, commented Fardiss from atop his donkey, which doubles as district court of the region.
This isn’t the first allegation being made against Falafel. Other local herders have reported similar incidents involving his wrong-doing. “We know it’s him because he has the same modis operandi— imitate wolves, spray wolf urine to mask the Jinn smell, and then steal our goats. We’re onto him.” commented well-known drug dealer Omar Zayoon. “Also, buying my hasheesh helps you track his wherabouts.” added Zayoon without any solicitation.
Judge Fardiss and Abu Zabzab have reportedly offered Falafel to “not burn his soul with embers made from the tears of infants” if he turns himself in, with compensation, by the end of the week. Previous negotiations have fallen short, always ending with Abu Zabzab and other local herders disagreeing about whether or not Falafel was actually at the meeting.
“I’m just ready for this to be over so that i can go on with my life.”, added Abu Zabzab. “Until then, I’ll just have to keep buying hasheesh from Omar Zayoon to protect the rest of my herd.”