Local Shaykh Bans Matrimonial Site After Getting Zero Meeting Requests

Sanaa, Yemen (13:25 GMT)— The popular matrimonial site ZawajNow.com has been banned indefinitely by a local shaykh, Muhammad Safarah. Safarah cited “technical problems”, “unreliable service”, and “significant bugs” as the reason for shutting down the top-rated site in the region.


Safarah, a member of the site himself, explained that his decision was not an easy one, but that it had to be made after it became clear that it was experiencing significant problems.

“The investigation all took place within the three months that I was on the site.”, stated Safarah. “I took time in picking the right photograph, filling out biographical information, and divulging a bit about my hobbies and interests.”

Safarah awaited a commonly employed meeting request on the site (“Mahram Meet-up”) for the three months preceding the ban, but never received one. “How can I, in good faith, allow this matrimonial service to continue operating when clearly one of its most important functions doesn’t actually work.”, the 5’1”, eye-patch wearing Safarah passionately asserted, as biscuit crumbs dripped from his beard.

“Essentially, we’ve caught the developers red-handed on this one. The countless Mahram Meet-ups that were probably requested of me failed to be delivered. I can’t imagine the grief these women are feeling right now.”

This ban comes at the heels of the infamous “newspaper matrimonial” ban instituted by Safarah just weeks ago. “The newspaper suffered from the same problems that ZawajNow did. I don’t know, they must have printed my cell number incorrectly or something. That’s the only explanation. For God’s sake, it was 7 months. 7 whole months”, stated Safarah as he wiped his sweaty brow.

With this latest ban, local singles are left with very few matrimonial services and resources. This is especially troubling for single women, who are often left awaiting suitors without these services.

Safarah has offered to step in and offer his help to the countless women who are now left with very few avenues to matrimonial bliss.

“They can call my number or even my mom’s number. She’s really nice, and she lives in a really nice house. I have money.”