Lionness Expelled From Saudi Zoo For “Immoral Postures & Conduct”

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (9:00 GMT)— Authorities at the Riyadh International Zoology Center, a research facility and public Zoo, expelled a  lioness  from the premises on Friday. The  lioness, charged with “inciting heated passion of male lions” and “provocatively  displaying claws” was ushered into a van and removed early in the morning.

Sources familiar with the charges have remarked that the policy is to send these  lionesses  to moral correction centers, scattered across the district of Riyadh.

This is not the first time this particular lion, Nimara, has gotten herself into hot water, according to Animal Morality Minister Abdullah Zaydeen.

“We are proud of the conduct of our various animals.”, Zaydeen remarked.

“We take swift and direct steps to correct conduct which may disrupt the harmony of the zoo. This particular lionness has been caught growling loudly as the male lions were fed previously, as well as attempting to lead the already disorganized lion Friday prayers, which is forbidden in the religion.”

Many more moderate voices at the facility have criticized the removal of the lioness. Omar Farshat, a researcher, believes she should be isolated instead of removed. “What she has done is a clear injustice to the harmony of the facility.” Farshat stated, as he pounded the desk in his clinical office. “But to remove her is too cruel. Solitary confinement for a week will correct her behavior.”

The lioness was placed in the control of the Moral Correction Authority Director in Riyadh’s second district, Sameh Kabeer. He outlined his philosophy for restoring the lion’s honor.

“It is very important to remind them of the great sin they have committed.” he lamented, stroking his fist-length beard. “We basically just keep reminding them until we think something has changed.”

This highly sophisticated system for recovery has been in place for at least the past 30 years, with many success stories, according to Kabeer.

“We have been able to marry off at least 15 of the 20 lionesses that have come to this facility.” Asked about the other 5 Kabeer smiled and whispered the word “honor” as he closed his fist.

When asked about the rate of male lion detentions and/or expulsions from the Zoo, Abdullah Zaydeen seemed shocked and highly confused.

“These male lions are weak in the heart. We caught one of them in the lioness holding pens last week, clearly tempted by one of the lionesses.” Zaydeen remarked.

“Clearly we have an epidemic on our hands.”