Company Generously Treats Employees to Free Lunches for Entire Holy Month
By Yahya Ridwan (San Jose, CA–8:30 AM PST)–Citing a renewed effort to unite their workforce, well-established semiconductor BayLine, Inc. has announced an entire month of free, professionally-catered lunch for the…
US Fighter Jets Drop 200 Cans of Pepsi Over West Mosul
By Yahya Ridwan (Washington D.C. 5 P.M. EST)–The United States Air Force escalated its campaign against ISIS early Monday morning by dropping 200 Pepsi Cans over ISIS-occupied Western Mosul. The…
Trump “Practicing Alphabets” Between Executive Order, Say Senior Staff
Washington D.C. (10:00 A.M. EST)—Addressing the media this morning, White House Spokesperson Sean Spicer confirmed reports that President Trump has recommitted himself to learning the English alphabet between signing executive…
President Trump Promises Muslim Ban Will Bring “Many, many more jobs to ISIS”
WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump addressed the media over his controversial Muslim ban, ensuring that it has been extremely successful and received worldwide praise from many different terrorist organizations. “Late…
Ahmed Will Be “Out Late Studying With All Male Classmates” on Dec. 31, Says His Proud Mother
According to Asma Manzoub, her son, Ahmed Manzoub, will be “really good alhamdulilah and study for his multi-variable calculus exam with only his male classmates at the library from 7pm…
7 Lame-Ass Muslims Who Did Absolutely Nothing in 2016
By Yahya Ridwan As 2016 comes to a close, we take a look back at and commemorate the achievements of some of our most valued community members: 7. Hakeem “I’ll…
Trump Begins Acceptance Speech With Call To Prayer
By Yahya Ridwan New York, NY (2:45 A.M.)–Donald J. Trump was welcomed by a rousing crowd at his campaign headquarters in New York City early this morning, as news of…
In a Show of Nationalism, Turkey Bans Chicken
By: Ahmed Rahil Tafilah Ankara, Turkey (10:00AM PST) - Today, Turkish Prime Minister Recep Erdogan held his annual Temperature of Turkey. Erdogan pleased political pundits by attacking an issue plaguing Turkish nationalism since his last speech, the sale…
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