FOX News Host Accuses Santa Claus Of Visiting The Homes Of Muslim Children
Baltimore, Maryland (9:00 P.M. EST)—The host of FOX’s The Kelly File and well-engineered robot Megyn Kelly has called for an investigation into Santa Claus and at least three of his nine…
Outrage As Pakistan Terminates Demon-Repellent Subsidy Program
Karachi, Pakistan (10:30 A.M. GMT)— Pakistan’s Ministry of Planning and Development has come under fire for its recent and controversial decision to end government subsidization of common household demon-repellent. The move comes…
Representative Peter King Fears Muslim Radicalization Of Own Thoughts, Calls Emergency Hearing
Washington D.C., USA (3:00 A.M. EST)— Congressman Peter King, Chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee, called an emergency hearing after reporting feeling “particularly sharia-ish” and “inexplicably Muslimy” last night. The seasoned…
Arab Breezes Through Airport Security, Reports It To TSA Headquarters
Dallas, TX (8:30 A.M. CST)— Officials from the Washington D.C. headquarters of the Transportation Safety Administration were alarmed this morning after responding to an Arab man’s frantic allegation that he was…
Saudi Arabia Announces The Discovery Of Mars
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (6:00 P.M. GMT)— Astronomers at the King Saud University were excited to announce the discovery of the spherical celestial body being referred to as “Mars” this afternoon,…
Elmo Declared #1 Threat To Public Morality By Gulf State Commission
Muscat, Oman (9:00 A.M. GMT)— Officials from seven Gulf states’ public safety ministries met in Oman this week to discuss the biggest threats to regional morality. the Commission’s declaration of Elmo,…
Skittles Ruled “Awesome” In Latest Fatwa
Almere, Netherlands (6:00 P.M. GMT)— Crowds were on hand in Northern Europe this afternoon as news emerged that Skittles had been ruled “Awesome” by the International Supreme Fatwa Commission. The…
State-Run Media Is Most Reliable Source of News According to State-Run Study
Abu Dhabi, UAE (11:00 A.M. GMT)— State Officials were thrilled to announce the State-run media’s forty-third straight year as the country’s most reliable source of news and current events. A state-run…
Local Imam Seals Fate of Community With Horribly Outdated Interfaith Rap
Plano, Texas (9:00 A.M. CST)— Local Imam and interfaith activist Sayed Mourad has sealed the fate of the local community after performing what he referred to as “a few poppin’ lines” at the…
FCC Deregulates Arab Dad Conversations, Experts Concerned
Washington D.C., USA (7:00 A.M. EST)— In what has been viewed as a controversial move, the Federal Communications Commission has decided to completely deregulate conversations that Arab fathers have among themselves.…
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