New App Allows Parents To Compare Ahmed To Fictional Children
Redmond, WA (11:30 A.M. PST) — Microsoft, Inc. announced this morning the launch of a new app developed at the request of Muslim parents who desire to compare their children to fictional…
Gender Separation Wall “Can Be Seen From Space,” Boasts Local Imam
By Ashraf Qasim Houston, TX (3:00 P.M. CST)– Local sources confirmed this afternoon that Masjid Al-Fatah’s new gender separation wall between the men’s and women’s prayer hall is observable from…
Apple TV For Muslim Mothers To Include ‘Fast Forward Through Entire PG-13 Movie’ Button
By Hamza Khan Cupertino, CA (10:00 A.M. PST)– Apple representatives were pleased to announce the release of Apple TV For Muslim Mothers this morning at their headquarters in Cupertino. The…
Child At Arab Gathering Summoned From Upstairs Fun, Endures Completion Of Parental Departing Ritual
Aguilar, CO (5:00 P.M. MST)— Sources confirmed this afternoon that local Arab child Little Hamada, as he is known in pick-up soccer games, was summoned from the upstairs portion of the…
Muslim Daughter Feared Missing After Father Calls 38 Times Within 5 Minutes
By Layla Sabry Carlsbad, CA (8:00 P.M. PST)– Local authorities confirmed this evening that alleged abduction victim Selma Bint-Mourad is “unsurprisingly alive and well” after the 23-year-old was once again reported missing…
Friday Congregation Led By Kanye Goes Surprisingly Well
By Yahya Ridwan Los Angeles, CA (1:30 P.M. PST)– Congregants of the United Deen Mosque were reportedly surprised this afternoon after guest speaker Kanye West remained relatively docile and focused while…
Pentagon’s New Uniform Policy Threat To Wholesome American Bigotry
By Zafir Mehdi Washington D.C., USA (10:00 A.M. EST)— Commentators and policy analysts in Washington have expressed that the Pentagon’s relaxed new policy on religious attire will deal a huge…
Muslim Man Faced With Choice Between Beef Jerky And Heaven
By Khaled Shawky Orlando, Florida (5;30 P.M. EST)— Sources confirmed this afternoon that local University of Miami student Hani Rasheed was viciously faced with the choice between endless mouth-watering bliss…
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